February 24, 2014

Mitch Hedberg, 1968 - 2005

Mitch Hedberg photo mitch-hedberg.jpg Mitch Hedberg would've been 46 years old today, another soul lost to drugs and overdoses. I first heard his material a few years ago and found him so screamingly funny that I couldn't believe I'd never heard of him before. I'm glad that I didn't find out he was dead until after I listened to his CDs. I don't know why that should make a difference, but for me it does.

Below are some of my favorite bits from Mitch. They're all over the internet, so I provided no attribution.
  • I got a king sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable. "Oh, you're a king, you say? Well you won't believe what I have in store for you! It's to your exact specifications! I believe I can set up your old lady, too!"

  • I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something.

  • I was walking by a dry cleaner at 3 a.m., and it said "Sorry, we're closed." You don't have to be sorry. It's 3 a.m., and you're a dry cleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I'm not gonna walk by at 10 a.m. and say, "Hey, I walked by at 3, you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology. This jacket would be halfway done!"

  • My apartment is infested with koala bears. Its the cutest infestation ever. Much better than cockroaches. I turn the lights on and a bunch of koala bears scatter. I'm like, hey, hold on fellas! Lemme hold one of you, and feed you a leaf. Koalas, they're so fucking cute, why do they gotta be so far away from me. They should ship a few over, and I will apprehend one...and hold him...and pet him on the back of his head.

  • My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so ... yeah".

  • I think Pringles' original intention was to make tennis balls... but on the day the rubber was supposed to show up a truckload of potatoes came. Pringles is a laid-back company, so they just said, "Fuck it, cut em up!"

  • I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

  • I want to hang a map of the world in my house, and then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won’t fall down.

  • You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.

  • I did a movie with Peter Frampton. He's a musical genius, but I don't listen to his stuff. So I had to continuously try to draw attention away from the fact. "Hey Peter Frampton! Do you like toast too!? Yes, as do I, it is warm and crispy... and the perfect place for jelly to lay. Now stay the fuck away from me Frampton, I ain't got shit to say to you!"

  • So I wish I could play little league now, I'd kick some fuckin' ass.

  • I saw a commercial on late night TV, it said,"Forget everything you know about slipcovers." So I did. And it was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me slipcovers, and I didn't know what the hell they were.

  • I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it. How'd it start anyway? I like my sandwiches with three pieces of bread. So do I! Well let's form a club then. Alright, but we need more stipulations. Yes we do; instead of cutting the sandwich once, let's cut it again. Yes, four triangles, and we will position them into a circle. In the middle we will dump chips. Or potato salad. Okay. I got a question for ya, how do you feel about frilly toothpicks? I'm for 'em! Well this club is formed; spread the word on menus nationwide. I like my sandwiches with alfalfa sprouts. Well then you're not in the fuckin' club! 

  • I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait."

  • When you buy a box of Ritz crackers, on the back of the box, they have all these suggestions as to what to put on top of the Ritz. "Try it with turkey and cheese. Try it with peanut butter." But I like crackers man, that's why I bought it, 'cause I like crackers! I don't see a suggestion to put a Ritz on top of a Ritz. I didn't buy them because they're little edible plates! You've got no faith in the product itself.

February 16, 2014

Animals & Children: Perfectly Timed

I have a perfectly timed photo of my own:
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Steven and Sam, 1989

But the images below are shamelessly borrowed from All Perfectly Timed

Mouse scare photo MouseScaresDog.jpgClose-up photo Close-up.jpgBubble photo Want-to-eat-bubbles.jpgNo Birds photo NoBirds.jpgBoost photo GivingABoost.jpgCat Help photo CatBoost.jpgPickpocket photo Pickpocket.jpgHorse hug photo Horsehug.jpgSharing photo Sharing.jpg

Babies photo Babyelephants.jpg

February 14, 2014

February 9, 2014

Grady Stiles: The Lobster Boy

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Grady Franklin Stiles, Jr., was born in Pittsburgh on June 26, 1937. He had ectrodactyly, a rare hereditary condition in which the fingers and toes are fused together, making claw-like extremities.

Grady's father, also afflicted with ectrodactyly, had his son join him as a side-show attraction in a traveling carnival. Grady couldn't walk so he used a wheelchair in public, but  he could crawl and perform nearly any task using his "claws".

Grady was married three times (he married his first wife twice) and fathered four children, two of whom inherited his "lobster" claws.

By all accounts, Grady was abusive to his family; most agree that he was also alcoholic. Despite his condition, he had incredible upper body strength. In short, he was just plain dangerous.

Lobster Family photo 7cd13d0e-0853-491e-98f9-5393e72a7f27.jpg

Grady's eldest daughter, Donna (who was not afflicted with ectrodactyly) became engaged to marry, Grady disapproved. The night before the wedding, Grady shot the boy through the head.

Grady escaped a prison sentence on the grounds that no prison was equipped to handle his disability. He got fifteen years probation. This made him feel invincible; he even bragged that he'd killed once and gotten away with it and would not hesitate to do so again.

It was during this time that he remarried his first wife, Mary Teresa and the abuse escalated. In 1992, his wife and her son from a prior marriage hired a neighbor to kill Grady. On November 29 of that year, Grady was shot to death while watching TV in the family's trailer home. The shooter, Maria and her son were all given lengthy prison sentences.

If you're interested in knowing more about it all, click the picture on the right to be taken to Barnes & Noble for the book.

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February 2, 2014

Philip Seymour Hoffman

Philip Seymour Hoffman photo PhilipSeymourHoffman.jpg Philip Seymour Hoffman, an outstanding and prolific actor, was found dead  of a drug overdose early this morning. He was 46 years old.

The New York Times is keeping this story updated, not that there's much more to add. Hoffman had fought the demon of addiction for many years.

I chose six of my favorite Hoffman movies and placed their images below. He had a lot of movie credits, and he was currently filming the second part of "The Hunger Games".

What a sad waste of talent this all is. Nevertheless, I wish him peace at last. 

1997 photo BoogieNights1997.jpg

1998 photo TheBigLebowski1998.jpg

1998-2 photo Happiness1998.jpg

2005 photo Capote2005.jpg

2008 photo Doubt2008.jpg
2012 photo TheMaster2012.jpg